SuperMom is DEAD. I killed her.
It had to be done. It was her or me. It wasn't a matter of "if" she would kill me but "when" she would do the dirty deed. It would have been grisly. Most likely a knife in the back because that is how my inner SuperMom rolls.
I KNOW you know what I am talking about. She lives in all of us. Maybe she even lives in some of you dads too.
My inner SuperMom was a vicious thief. She has robbed me of sleep, of time better spent, of joy, of health, of peace, and ultimately my sane mind.
The other day I was thinking back to my childhood. Those years of conspicuous consumption better known as "the 80's." My dad used to say "He who dies with the most toys wins." It was all very Gordon Gekko. He was kidding (I think). He probably saw it on a t-shirt somewhere.
It got me thinking and I realized the following:
"She who dies with the MOST sanity wins."
It was in that moment I made the conscious choice to stand up to the bully within me. That's what Supermom is, a bully.
Yes, being Supermom has a nice ring to it but in the end I know I will never live up to that expectation. Trying only has negative consequences for me and those around me. Those who I love the most. I have set the bar too high. SOCIETY has set the bar too high. Yes, society.
Think back to the mothers of the past. I am not saying they had it easy (no mother does). However, they were not trolling Pinterest all hours of the night wishing they could pick the perfect craft to do at the next class party. They weren't trying to construct a flawless Minecraft birthday cake so the pictures on Facebook looked just right. The level of consciousness around our health hadn't yet taken over the meals they fed their children. My PB&J got shoved in a paper sack not in a bento box!
It almost seems that with every generation comes a higher level of expectation.
Building, mounting, and soaring to heights well beyond our mental, emotional and physical capacity.
My expertise in Performance Psychology tells me these SuperMom expectations are the most unrealistic job expectations ever. They will lead to no good. Burn out and failure are imminent in this job. Opt out ladies. Opt out now.
The expectation to control every aspect of my life and my children's life is just too much. Every boo boo, every school party, every sporting event, every hurt feeling, packing snacks, permission slips, the gazillionth check for who knows what to the school (don't I pay taxes), the pleas to be picked up as a walker, and so on. If I forget the most minor thing, I am crushed. It consumes me. It wages war on my self-confidence.
I have a cautionary tale. It was PJ Day last week for my youngest. I forgot. She was devastated. She cried. I cried. She moved on. I am writing this blog post.
I am an organized person. I absolutely should have been on top of the PJ Day thing. However, I was too busy trying to be SuperMom and juggling 3,000 other inconsequential thoughts instead of being more present. I am not flogging myself here. I am merely illustrating my point.
My inner SuperMom forces her worries and anxieties on me making it arduous to remain present and mindful. She makes it harder for me to engage with my children in the here and now.
SuperMom cheats me of the energy to get through my day. She thwarts my ability to be the best me I can be. SuperMom, the bully, marginalizes me.
So, SuperMom is dead. I killed her. It was her or me. I made a choice.
Does that mean I am SlackerMom now?
Nope. Not at all. Killing SuperMom makes me a more intentional mom. By taking on less of "everything", I am able to give more.
Nope. Not at all.
How am I doing this?
I just am. I am choosing this moment to let go. I am practicing gratitude for my many blessings. I am practicing grace and forgiveness not only for myself but for others. I am deepening my focus on my priorities which takes self-discipline.
I am crowding out the noise through meditation and mindfulness. Praying for my sanity helps too.
I usually try to end my blog posts with some helpful resources. Today the ONLY resource you need is YOU. You have all the wisdom and courage you need to stand up to your inner SuperMom. YOU have the answers you seek. Nobody else. Trust yourself. You've got this!
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Have you killed your inner SuperMom yet? Are you ready to find the sane in an insane world?
Share this post if you think WE are enough, just the way we are. Use the hashtag #SuperMomIsDead.