The Importance of Self Care
Hey, hey Bold Leaders. Welcome to The Bold Leadership Revolution Podcast,
I’m your host Tara Newman. My team has recently updated my Instagram profile and has put my title as leader of leaders. And I’ve decided to own that. Plus, it sounds very Daenerys Targaryen, mother of dragons-ish so I’m good with that.
Here at The Bold Leadership Revolution HQ we’re interested in ONE thing -We show high achieving visionary leaders how to perform better so they can be more, while simultaneously doing radically less than ever before...
Except we don’t work with just any high achieving leaders. Our leaders are pretty freaking rad because they are seeking something that the large majority feels is mythical.
I refer to it as the holy grail of leadership and only the boldest of leaders have the courage to seek it.
It’s called BALANCE.
When everyone else will tell you Balance is BULLSHIT, there is a glimmer of hope in the eyes of bold leaders everywhere at the thought of its mere existence.
Balance is SO magical because it only exists if you believe it exists. Kind of like Santa Claus.
If you’re thinking to yourself “Tara, WHERE oh WHERE do I find this mythical and magical thing called BALANCE?”
This podcast is for you!
Here’s a hint: Balance lives in the land of self-care.
This talk on self-care comes with a warning label. I have some PRETTY strong opinions on this topic.
If you are one of my magical leaders who is on a quest for balance, this podcast is for you. If you’re someone who is willing to look at balance through a different perspective, this for you.
If you’re a leader who is so entrenched in your doing and engrained in your belief that success needs to be hard, or you’re addicted to the trifecta -- work, worry, and being worn out -- come back here when you’re struggling to get out of bed in the morning or can barely stand in the shower or faceplanting on your desk at 10 am and 3 pm. I’ve been there. It sucks but sometimes we need to have that breakdown moment before we’re receptive to seeing things through a different perspective.
Before we dive in, I want to share with you that I’m a realist. I understand the challenges we all face - I’m a mom, a wife, a friend, a child, and a business owner who is solely responsible for their own income. I’m a type A, uber driven, and ambitious woman. I’m also an introvert.
I CRAVE BALANCE.
I’m well aware the the scales will never tip out equal. However, I DO believe that I get to redefine what balance looks like for me and my family. I get to hold the possibility of balance for all my clients who seek it.
I know that balance lives in the land of self care, radical intentionality and DEEP discernment. I know that balance lives in the land of boundaries and nonnegotiables.
THIS is why self care is so important. It’s a pathway to balance and white space leaders are so desperately seeking.
SO, let me tell you what self care really is because as leaders, as people who hold tremendous influence, we need to do better here. It’s not our fault. We have never been taught how to truly care for ourselves especially as leaders.
Corporations will develop leaders SKILLS like communication, hiring, and negotiations but nobody teaches endurance and longevity.
As small business owners, we will develop our sales skills and marketing ability but we are not spending enough time truly understanding how to care for ourselves in an overloaded, overstimulated, overworked, over consumed landscape.
BECAUSE IT’s HARD.
It requires us to fight against societal norms, rethink our values, and reprogram the way we have been conditioned.
I appreciate that we are talking more about this topic now than ever before but I LOATHE that we have someone overgeneralized this to “go for massages and get manicures.”
This misses the point and creates barriers around something quite simple. We start having the wrong conversation. We wind up overcoming objections around cost, time, guilt, and indulgence.
So, if self care isn’t manis, pedis, and an endless schedule of spa days. What is it?
Here’s three ways you can look at self care so it makes it more attainable + leads you closer to that place of balance.
Energy Management: The most critical thing a leader manages is his or her ENERGY. Maintaining and cultivating greater energy is about your POWER as a leader. What makes you feel “in your power” as a human being? What gives you mental resiliency,, faith, physical strength? What feeds your soul and fuels your passion? DO MORE OF THAT ALWAYS.
Eliminate as in give a hard NO to anything or anyone who drains you of your greatest resource. Eliminate LOAD or DRAIN by reducing problems, obligations, expectations, etc.
In the book Margin by Richard Swenson he talks about how we have this problem of marginless living. This is an imbalanced life. Frenzy, chaos, spinning...however you want to look at it.
He gives an equation for restoring margin. POWER - LOAD = MARGIN. It’s simple and brilliant and will establish a sense of balance in your life.
In Season 1, Episode 06, I talk about being in survival mode thinking. Survival mode and scarcity doesn’t lead to self care and balance. It leads to the TRIFECTA -- worry, workaholism and feelings of worn out.
I am a firm believer in fighting survival mode with THRIVING. My clients are encouraged to keep a clear list of things they need to thrive in their life and business. If it’s on the list, green light -- spend all the time, money, and energy there. If it isn’t on the list, red light -- eliminate it ruthlessly.
Self care, in any given moment, can often be boiled down to ONE question: “What is the most loving thing I can do for myself right now?’ And then you get to decide what that is. Maybe it’s a massage or maybe its putting your toes in the grass or maybe you hug the people you love.
As CEO’s and high level executives (and this includes your role as a parent), we are compensated and rewarded not for our DOING but for our ability to manage our energy, tap into our intuition and apply sound judgement. We are the deciders.
How do you think you hone those skills? How good is your judgement when you’re worn out? Can you hear your intuition when you are over consuming and in the trenches with all the noise? How certain are you in the decisions you make under duress?
A dear friend of mine asked a good question today. She asked “Where does self care stop and self indulgence start?”
She followed up with “at what point have you slowed down so much that you need to speed back up?” I smiled. Listened. And refrained from jumping in with my thoughts.
She got a little tongue tied “How do I know when I need to slow down” she asked and then thought out loud, I’m not doing a great job articulating this.
Still listening and smiling.
She ends with answering her own questions: I guess it always comes back to self trust.
Yes, yes it does. She got there.
If you have the intention to slow down so you can speed up, that’s what will happen.
If you have the intention to deeply care for yourself without making a big deal about it, that’s what will happen.
If you believe self care is lazy and self indulgent, that’s what will happen.
I would love for you to share any insights or a ha’s from this podcast with me. The very best way to do that is to head on over to the gram...Instagram that is and snap a picture of you listening to the podcast and tag me. I’m @thetaranewman.
And hey, if you’re not following me over there, why the heck not? In an effort to best my power and energy, I’m SOLELY hanging out on instagram. Yep, against all other advice, I’m only hanging out on ONE Social channel but man, I’m killing it over there. I show up daily on Instagram Stories for your education AND sometimes for your entertainment. Lots of day to day and behind the scenes stuff mixed with useful information. So go over there and tag me or even better, DM me and say hi.
NOW, if you’re a FEMALE leader (sorry guys! I love my male clients but this one is just for the ladies) and you are looking for some mentoring around all things leadership, business, and performance INCLUDING how you can up your self care game, I want you to check out The BRAVE Society.
The BRAVE Society is a virtual society for business owners like you who want to connect with bold, resilient, abundant, value-driven and endurable leaders.
It’s filled with business owners across a variety of industries who knows that the person who helps the most people wins.
We are here for three reasons:
To build meaningful relationships with an army of people who have real, credible, and valuable business acumen. This isn’t tit for tat networking where it’s a referral pitch fest.
To help you continually develop yourself as a leaders through high quality educational resources to help us become better CEO’s
To become leaders who develop more leaders in the world -- your family, friends, community, team.
The BRAVE Society is a place where you can plug into the relationships you need to hire the most qualified people, find meaningful collaborations, and offer your services to those who would benefit the most.
The BRAVE Society hosts
Quarterly Book Clubs
Robust Panel Discussions on relevant topics to help you grow yourself and your business.
Bi Weekly CEO Debriefs where I take you behind the scenes in my life + business where you can see what’s working, what’s not working, key decisions I’m making.
If you’re curious to know if you’re a fit for this community, head here to learn more.
If you have found this podcast valuable, please share it with your friends, colleagues and other bold leaders.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, please leave a review. I consider reviews podcast currency and it’s the ONE thing you can do to help us out hear at The Bold Leadership Revolution HQ. We would be so grateful for it.
Special thanks goes to The Stacey Harris who is the producer and editor of this podcast. Go check them out for all your digital marketing and content creation needs.
Be sure to tune into our next episode to help you embrace your ambition and leave the grind behind.
Important links to share: